Fast Forward

Why not make it 100 ??

2007-03-03T00:04:00.000+08:00

I've always wanted to show this to everyone but to no avail. Finally, and thanx to my megapixelled cam phone, i managed to zoom in and this is what I got. Imagine in a housing area, where not only are the roads small, with speed bumps as well.

Imagine, at 60kmh, one could just drive into a house or a tree or worse, a little kid, walking or playing by the roadside. Lets just suggest to the JPJ to increase the limit to a 100kmh, since the speedlimit at the Simpang Tiga Flyover is only 70. Sometimes, the authorities should rethink and replan before amending and implementing something. Not implement and shit is all the civilians get.

Gong Hei Fatt Choi

2007-03-02T23:40:00.000+08:00

Chinese New Year has always been fun, every single year. Its like, everything's in a rush and people are rushing here and there, cars rushing here and there and money too, rushing, really really fast out of pockets.

Preparation, for my family, has always been grand. I'll be climbing up and down the ladder, hanging decorative pieces, like the lanterns and what not.

Its always the eve of the celebration thats so exciting. Everythings washed and polished to their maximum gleam. These are hard, manual, labour. But it pays off by making me smile when I see all is done and time to usher in the 'God of Prosperity' by playing fireworks and crackers.

I slept at around 2.30am that Chinese New Year morning. Tired but satisfied.

If it's Kenwood and you know it, clap your hands.

2007-01-19T22:24:00.000+08:00

Was searching for a replacement cd player for my Myvi since last year but never was THAT motivated to actually put my soul into it. But this time, I'd being pushed by the approaching festivities. Maybe it's just Chinese New Year, everything has to be new and everything has to be dashing.

I was influenced by one of my friends, whose a serious car pimper. Went down to the accessories shop where he wanted to fix some meters and some security alarm stuff and saw this beauty on display. I was like, my, my, my, would you look at that ?

It's actually a considerably a used good, but since the previous owner only used it for like a month or so, the price definitely plunged from when it was brand new (i was told, so I guess I better believe it).

Was considering and reconsidering and reconsidering and my final streak was, I told myself to get it done and over with. Reconsidering for a longer period might not even get me a new player even by next century. So I set a time and date for the installation.

I musta spent like 4 hours just idling around the shop, watching those technicians, dismantling the virgin interiors of my somewhat brand new car.

Since the manufacturer's built-in player can't be removed as a stand-alone piece, the centre console along with the original player had to be taken out to install a customized fitted console. This is the removed chunk.

So, when that's done, here comes KENWOOD!!!

From a displayed unit on the shelf like a week ago, and somehow this silvery thing has found its way into my car. Brilliant! lOl
Looks pretty dashing, especially with the blue back light and all.
This is how this baby really looks like when all is dark and mysterious.

I seriously gotta stop spending moolah on audio systems. Else I'd be celebrating chinese new year in poverty. Time to donate you guys! Haha

Sex anyone ?

2006-11-10T02:28:00.000+08:00

Chat over coffee has to be one of my favorite pastimes. Not having it anywhere lavish, just a normal coffee shop as your backdrop SHOULD be able to do the trick, unless trying to fake a class which is not even there in the first place is more like your cup of tea la.

Anyway, one of my best girl friends Tiff, has a friend. Lets just call this friend of her's A. The first time Tiff complained to me how A is so blur when it comes to adults stuff, I didn't quite believe her. That is until one night, I got the chance to actually sit down and have a chat with A.

She's the typical goodie two shoes kinda female species. Well, a tad too decent I must say. But she seems to be very curious and oh-so-interested when our chats touched on the SEX issue. So she started to ask me lotsa questions. Her first question gave me an idea that its gonna be a long, long night. Oh well, not that long, but still.

A : So so, if a guy wears a tight jeans, when he gets excited, does his 'that thing' points forward ?
Me: Ummmmmm (startled), Ummmmmmm (thinking of something smart), well, depends on how he positions his 'that thing' la (YES!!! Good answer!!!!)

A : Oh! Really ?? You mean they have different positions for 'that thing' ?
Me : (Bashing myself up in the mind). Yeah! Of course! Some like to position it upwards, some sideways, some downwards, some even between their thighs.

A : Oh wow! So when they get excited, does it point forward ?
Me : (Really bashing myself mentally now and a lill tired of explaining) Yeah! They point
forward!

A : How does it feel like giving a (showing the action of giving a head) ?
Me : Ummmm, its like eating bananas, but without chewing on the meat.

A : What if I choke ?
Me : Well, it takes a lot of practicing to master the skill.

A : How ?
Me : (Put me on the race track, I can run faster than Ben Johnson now) You give blowjobs more
often la! Or you could go home and practice on a banana first, starting with the smallest one.
Once you can get more than half of it down your throat, then you should proceed to a longer
and bigger one.

A : Wow! That's interesting!
Me : Yeah, uh huh (faking a smile).

Tiff is another problem. This girl misleads more than she coaches, though she loves Coach bags (lame, hehehe).

A : I think I would be too shy to do it with the lights on.
Tiff : Then you switch the light off la.

A : But, then, wouldn't it be too dark ? What if he can't find it ?
Tiff : (With the straightest face) Thats when a torchlight comes in handy (trying very hard not to laugh)

A : Really ?
Tiff : Yeah, get the China made dynamo torchlights, at least you won't waste money on replacing batteries.

A : Oh okay. So so, if a guy wants to go down on me, I fear that he would smell something fishy.
Tiff : Just spray it with perfume la! (My soul giggled to the point of teary eyed now)

A : Really ??? So what kind of perfume would be appealing to him ? (I could die laughing if she
asks again)
Tiff : Haiya! Use CK1 la, since its a unisex fragrance (turning her head away, laughing quietly and
discreetly.

A : Really ?? Cool !!

Me and Tiff are exchanging silent laughs by now. I kept shaking my head in disbelief and looking at me, Tiff gave me the expression 'see, I told you'.

But till today, I must admit I have never come across anybody as 'virgin' as this. Now I know, the very very rare species like A, do exists in this lifetime. Today, whenever we talk about A, we will always, without fail gonna have a good laugh over the silliest things happened previously. We even contemplated to give her free sex advice one of these days. Oh well, wish me luck people!

Grand-Theft Auto

2006-11-07T23:41:00.000+08:00

They are so in need of money that they have to smash up other people's things to get something that they want. Yeah! THATS what these thieves do.

My car got broken into last week. And like everybody else, its goodbye owner and hello thieves. Imagine parking in the parking lot of your company, a privately owned office ground, these rascals had the balls to dive in, pretended that nothing's wrong and PANG! your window's smashed to a thousand pieces and everything that you saved up for, was taken away from you.

They are not lazy, instead they are so hardworking that they have the time to circle the area looking for 'jobs'. I wouldn't have complained much if it was a blowjob. But 'jobs' like these, well, it doesnt satisfy, but aggrevate people who are victims.

I kept imagining what it would be like to actually catch them red-handed. I'm gonna use a baseball bat and bash them up, starting with their 'skillfull' hands. I would be happiest to see them crippled for life.

Not to discriminate here, but the instance anybody hear these stories, they only point to one race. I don't need to say it out but you all could very well guess which it is. This is what they're good at and this is what they love doing. Don't blame it on poor education and don't blame their parents for it. Don't even blame the so-called limited decent job opportunities out there.

They have always been spoon-fed since young and in the process of growing up, their braincells die at an alarming speed because its rarely put into use, proper use that is. Thats why they grow up to be so mentally retardically bastardy assholic son of a bitches.

Like most would say, with or without security features, they will have their ways to go around it. In the end they still win. And I seriously wonder when will the time where they'll lose come ?

He says...........

2006-07-17T23:21:00.000+08:00

Ever come across interesting reads like "He says and What He Really Means ?" in beauty/fashion magazines ? For those fuglies, they will know that these segments can be found usually in Cleo Mags. I seriously have no idea, but somehow these magazines show how insecure women can be until they have to be so analytical in anything and everything, right down to their partners and spouses. Come on, GET A LIFE !!

Ok, ok, here's how I look at it, from a gay man's point of view. Shut up and read!

1. He says : Gee, that guy is pretty good looking
He means : If only I can get my hands all over him to see whether he's got the body too

2. He says : Lets go out for a drink.
He means : After a short drinking session, maybe you'd wanna lose some fluid by having vigorous sex ?

3. He says : Your place or mine ?
He means : If you can't make up your mind, there's always the back seat.

4. He says : You look familiar.
He means : Have we fucked before ?

5. He says : Wanna do something tonight ? Movies or maybe drinks ?
He means : I WANT FUCK!!!

6. He says : I love you.
He means : And all the cocks out there as well.

7. He says : I'm the faithful sort.
He means : DoH! Of course I will cheat whenever you're not on guard.

8. He says : I'm looking for a long term relationship only
He means : Yeah, I'll fuck as much as I can until I find my best fuck, even then, I'll never know what I might find.

9. He says : I'm discreet
He means : I only meet guys back at my place where we'll fuck and say goodbye (RIDICULOUS !!!!)

10. He says : I miss you
He means : Yeah, yeah, just to make you happy (yawns)

11. He says : I hate women.
He means : Thank God, I'm gay

12. He says : Wanna hit the club tonight ?
He means : I'm horny and I need to find my man/men.

13. He says : I love woman/women
He means : Gosh, they're so sister material

14. He says : I love woman/women
He means : Yeah, I wanna be one too (for sissy boys)

15. He says : Call me whenever you feel like hanging out
He means : Astalavista sucker!

16. He says : Wanna trade pictures ? (online)
He means : Just wanna make sure you're gorgeous and model material.

17. He says : Wanna meet ?
He means : Even if we don't get to do anything much, at least, I can still suck you dry.

18. He says : I'm home alone.
He means : Shagging around the house is definitely gonna be fun

19. He says : So, what do you think of me ?
He means : Am I qualified to be on your fuck list ?

20. He says : I go to gym like, 5 times a week.
He means : I know I am obese, but I'd say anything just to lure you out to meet me (ANOTHER RIDICULOUS SHIT !!!!!)

Alright people, these are 20 examples of what a gay guy would say to another and what they all really meant. These are non-fictional quotes, but real everyday life experience. Some people are nice, some are nasty, but none as irritating compared to those full of shit. Peace !!

Can strike 4D if it keeps on happening...........

2006-06-13T20:47:00.000+08:00

My dad asked me to teach one of his students, who was learning driving by the hour. This middle aged lady is actually a probationary driver's licence holder, but I think lack of confidence and guts, put her back into MY car. So, i drove to her house somewhere Jalan Astana, and instructed her to drive to town area. OK, that was fine.

When we reached town, taking the road that leads one to the General Hospital, there was this JPJ (Jabatan Pengangkutan Jalan) road-block. So, as expected, we were flagged down to pull over. The officer who approached me, is, well, of course, already too familiar with my company (WJ-WEGO Driving Institute). He asked me where am I going and I told him that I'm conducting some sort of a refresher course here. So, we talked abit, exchanged some ideas and then let us go on with our journey.

You know, one of the best thing teaching at an hourly rate, is, when there's a slow moving traffic, money is actually quite easily earned. The JPJ officer wasted about 15 minutes of the poor lady's time and money, and, of course its a benefit for me (chuckles devilishly). So, we drove back all the way back to her place, and, I was impressed that it took us exactly one hour, no adds no less.

And then, later in the evening, my dad asked me to send one of his learner drivers home. Left office about 4 nish and took the Pending road that leads me to Simpang Tiga. From far, I was wondering, why the fuck is the traffic so massively jammed today. As I drove closer, only to find out that there was another road block, also by JPJ (seems like they have lots of free time these days). So I thought I would have savely get on with my journey, mana tauk, this officer flagged me down AGAIN, imagine, getting flagged down by JPJ and getting pulled over TWO fucking times in one day.

I was wondering why did he flagged me down, only to realise that I have this JPJ sticker on my windshield and the officer thought I stole somebody else's car. The conversation goes like this :

Officer : Kereta kamu kah ?

Me : Ya la, lu ingat saya curi kah ?

Officer: Tidak, bukam maciam itu, saya tengok lu punya kelet ata itu JPJ punya sticker ma, itu sebab saya sitop lu loh.

In my heart, i was thinking that if anybody would be suspected of car theft, is more likely to be you than me. Obviously somebody looks like a plain malay guy, that has a silly looking goatee. And I was getting annoyed by him, making fun of the chinese slanking Malay. So the following conversation goes like this :

Me : Orang merik aku pun, aku lekatlah kat cermin kereta aku. Mun buang, kak orang madah membazir

Its always fun to see my ability to speak fluent local malay baffles or surprises others, Malays especially.

Officer : Aih! Pandei na kitak klakar melayu oh, nangga IC lok.

Me : Lewat juak! Salahkah mun orang cina pandei klakar Melayu, kita kan idup dalam masyarakat berbilang kaum. majmuk katakan tek (handing over my licence to him instead)

At this point, I think he must have found me interesting that he gave back my licence and asked for my number and told me that in case if anybody he knows wanna get a licence, he'll look me up. I was like cool. Once again, I got away with it.

Gosh man! If this is a lottery winning streak, I think I can be richer than Datuk Ang Lai Soon Or the Kimgress Group loh. But I thanked God that I got away with it and this shows one thing, there's no harm playing dumb or funny with the authorities. They might think u're amusingly cute, that they will soften on you and eventually let u go. That's what I've gathered la, but not too sure about the rest.

Of Constipation and Chinese Slanking INGRISH

2006-06-08T01:04:00.000+08:00

Met up this guy last night. Wasn't really intending to meet him up actually, but since I have not been all that active, might as well take up this chance. It seemed okay at first, when he beeped me on Fridae. He is, to me, an OK looking chinese guy. Average looks, quite nice body, his profile well written, and bla bla bla, the list goes on.

Then, I first met him up, when I picked him up from Magenta, after his so-called business dinner (sounds professionally posh and preppy). Indeed, he got into my car in suits. I was like 'Wah lau eh', then before I said something stupid, I reminded myself that he just finished his BUSINESS dinner woh. So ok lah. I drove the both of us to Lake Park. Was from there at first, cos met Ka Ee (my best girl friend) up.

The moment he sat down, I saw on Ka Ee's face that showed she already didn't really like him. The best has yet to come. We're getting acquainted so-called la. With the usual boring Qs like where u stay, where u work, bla bla bla. Then, this guy, his name's Calvin by the way. A Penang lang staying in Singapore for the past 14 years already, can be considered long, but not as long as me staying in Kuching though (lame, but funny, I know, Thank very much, muah muah). So he started to talk la, well, its a good sign to begin with. But Ka Ee was mortified when Calvin started to say like how Kuching people are constipated (deprived and SAKAI). I was humoured but didn't show it, but Ka Ee was already starting to make faces at his comments.

The whole time he was commenting on the lifetsyle of kuching people, the whole time I was actually paying more attention to Ka Ee, cause I seriously wanted to look at her expressions. Too bad she was controlling hard to ehave (this Ka ee got attitude problem one, BIATCH's the word that describes her best by the way). So there he went, blabbering about how strange the culture is in Kuching compared to Singapore "eh, hello cik abang, YOU tu orang Penang tau ? Bukan orang Singapure orignal, nak berlagak pula".

The funniest part was when he tried to pronounce EAGLE'S NEST. It came out something like "eagirl's netstst". I was like, "yeah, and who said we kuching people are constipated?". I could tell Ka Ee couldn't control herself anymore, cause Calvin was saying all the wrongest things anybody could impossibly have said. Then, thank god, he suggested that we made our move home. I was like "Phew, finally". In the car, he didn say much. Maybe he was tired or maybe I'm just not posh and preppy enough for him to actually fancy me. WAHAHAHA!!!! Alamak, perasannyer. So I dropped him at his hotel at Merdeka Palace and headed straight home. Soon enough after reaching, Ka Ee called and started to complain.

She was complaining and complaining and complaining. I felt bad for introducing such a traumatising exprience to her, and it was hilarious. She kept saying that the next time I wanna meet somebody, better make sure they are not Singaporeans cause like she said, they are very LAN SI. She also complained that she can't stand his chinese slanking English. Dah lah the english sounds very cina, still wanna act one kind. *sigh*.

Ka Ee said something really funny. "Pun jia si Penang lang, khia kin singapore ya beh si kong anei ku, ai kek ji ley khuan, singapore lang eh khuan", meaning "he's originally from penang, not like he grew up in singapore, already wanna adopt the singaporean attitude. I honestly have to agree with her on that. Because I have told this guy that I could bring him around and show him places, Ka Ee actually taught me to lie and tell him that I had sudden plans that cannot be missed or postponed (jahat lah u ni Ka Ee, but I like it). Haha.

This girl ah, complained until her telepon bimbit mati. Oh Tedah. Hahaha. So, that was it. My first meeting up after so long, that turned out disasterous. Lemah nyawa aku memikirkannya.

Selamat Ari Gawai, Anang Ngirup Sampai Parai

2006-05-31T22:02:00.000+08:00

Oh gosh! 1st time blogging and I'm already near-wishing all the ibans out there their deaths. Neh, just kidding. Even if I'm kidding, some of them might still die, I SWEAR !!!

Its the eve of Gawai and I still had to work full shift that ends a 5pm. No offence to the oher working friends but for me, its just not fair. I'm half Iban and I think I' entitled to a day's off. Anyway, there wasn't much to do at the office anyway, so I spent half, oh, make that the entire day watching movies on the pc. Wanted to get a haircut but was thinking whether the salon would be packed with natives, getting their hair permed or colored, BRONZE ala Beyonce Knowles. So I didn't.

Nothing much to write for now, just getting my blog validated and activated. For those of you who might think that the Iban language is funny, here's your chance to laugh your shit-smeared asses off.

Ka bala urang Iban kak nyambut ari gawai,
Anang kelupa kitak nyak agik bisik kerja lepas ari gawai tuk. Anang ngirup tuak sampai nadai nemu mensia gik. Tik lepas minum yak, tinduk, anang ngigak igik ngau urang. Ilak bisik ajak bepantap ke sama kedirik. Tik dah mabok nyak, anang ngirup agik. Iban diak tuk nadai bisik madah "Agik idup, agik ngelaban" pieh. Semua dah MODERN. Ka sidak induk utai bak bekerja di kedai kopi semua, dik semua anang kelupa pulai kerja pieh, ilak aku nadai bisik kedai kopi kak dituju. Alu kirat aku tuk. Dituk, aku ngucap Selamat Ari Gawai ke semua bala urang Iban ngau kaban belayan aku semua. Terimak Kasieh.

Gosh! Typing Iban has like taken 10 years off my life. It's so fucking difficult. I think I better stick to English still.

3 days of holiday and frisbee!! Yaye!!